A Reminder to My Fellow Parents During Graduation Season

The end of the school year can really test parents. We see these humans (who aren’t so tiny anymore) completing major milestones, and we’re so proud of everything they’ve accomplished. We revel in every awards ceremony and final competition and tear up with every certificate of participation or recognition given. It feels good to see the rewards of all their work and know you’ve both survived another long academic year (especially this one!).

But inevitably, someone else’s child gets more certificates. More accolades. More ink in the newspaper or time at the podium. Seems more confident when shaking the principal’s hand or will leave the stage with more medals than yours. And when we see that child in comparison to our own, it can summon the green-eyed monster in even the most well-adjusted parents, making us wish our child had done better. Worked harder. Pushed themselves a little more. Or, that other child’s accomplishments might make us regret not pushing our child to stretch themselves farther. Maybe we feel guilty for not helping more with that project that we knew only looked subpar when it left the house. 

It’s hard to get through this time of year without feeling a little competitive and comparing your child to their classmates. This is a common game moms and dads play at graduation barbecues when we talk to each other about what our children will be doing next.

Ever since my grandparents’ generation went to college on the GI Bill after World War II, it’s been the expectation in America that successful young people matriculate straight from high school to college — and that only those students who don’t “have what it takes” choose a different path. It became such a middle-class norm that my generation still often just assumes that the kid they’re celebrating over cake and punch today will be packing for the dorms in the fall.   

The reality has been changing rapidly in recent years with the dramatic increase of computer technology and its impact on our economy. Today, many high-demand jobs require skilled training — training not always found on a university campus. It’s become a smart choice for many young people to earn an associate degree or certification after high school — or even during high school — so they can quickly enter the workforce and become financially self-sufficient. Often, that early training leads to a bachelor’s degree down the road.

Yet despite the changing needs of our increasingly technical society, there still remains a lasting stigma in many families about doing anything but going straight from high school to a bachelor’s degree program.

If we as parents don’t support young people regardless of which road they choose, if we push them into what we think is best or what seems smartest to us, if we instill in them our unfulfilled dreams or push them to do what made sense for us to do 30 years ago, then we aren’t truly helping them find their place in today’s world.

For some kids, the logical path is definitely a four-year institution. But for others, another path might just make more sense. At 18, people’s brains are still years from being fully formed. Many of our kids are unsure what they want to do tonight, let alone how they want to devote the next 40 years of their lives. That’s OK. There’s plenty of time to figure it out.

As you run into the graduating students in your life this summer, please don’t start the conversation with, “And where are you going to college?” This assumption could lead to an awkward moment for both of you. Maybe this young person is enrolled in an online technical training program to launch a career in cybersecurity. Or, they may have taken a job with a company that provides specialized on-the-job training — at no cost to them.

Instead, when you run into this amazing young person, ask him or her, “What’s next in life?” Regardless of what answer they give, follow that up with an unsolicited offer to help if they ever need anything. As a trusted adult, your friendship, advice and support might make a huge difference someday when they are trying to make a hard choice or pursuing a new opportunity.

And if your child is one of those graduates who doesn’t know what comes next yet, don’t worry too much. When your child is ready, help them explore their options (HirePaths can help!), prompt them to ask questions and try out new opportunities. Give your child time to test their wings — and let them know you’ll support and love them regardless of which path they take.

Kristin Brighton is a co-owner of New Boston Creative Group, LLC, and the founder of HirePaths. She is the mom of two high school students and a member of the USD 383 school board.